Tracy One

INT. BREAK ROOM, MORNING.

(Liz, Jenna, Tracy)

JENNA IS SITTING AT A TABLE WITH A LAPTOP IN FRONT OF HER. LIZ WALKS IN.

JENNA

Can you believe Starbucks was closed today?

LIZ

The entire city must be grinding to a halt right now. What are you up to?

JENNA

I can’t get enough of this celebrity gossip site. It’s so funny.

LIZ

Hey, that looks like you! Sort of.

JENNA

It is me! (reads caption). “Jenna Maroney is apparently the worse for wear from Starbucks’ three-hour shutdown this morning. Who is this mysterious hottie with her? An assistant? Maybe they should switch places for a day, if only to cheer up our sleazy cameraman.”

LIZ

The nerve!

TRACY

They’ve got a point. Even your smile came out frumpy. I can see the frumples on your cheeks.

LIZ

That, sir, was uncalled for.

TRACY

Sorry, Liz Lemon. I didn’t mean to make both of you feel frumpy. But Jenna doesn’t quite fit in with my peeps the way she looks now.

DOT COM WALKS BY WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON EACH ARM. THEY WAVE TO TRACY.

CUT TO:

Jack One

INT. THE HALLWAY RIGHT OUTSIDE THE ELEVATOR – MORNING

(Liz, Jack, Kenneth, extras)

JACK MEETS LIZ HEADING TO HER OFFICE.

JACK

Hi there Lemon. All rested up for a big week?

CUT TO A MONTAGE: “FRIDAY” FLASHES ON THE SCREEN. WE SEE LIZ LYING AROUND ON THE COUCH, WATCHING TV. “SATURDAY” FLASHES; LIZ, AGAIN, IS ON THE COUCH. THERE ARE DIRTY DISHES PILED UP NEXT TO THE COUCH. “SUNDAY” FLASHES NEXT; MORE DISHES PILED UP.

LIZ

Yeah, more or less.

JACK

I hope you didn’t just languish on the couch, watching TV and ignoring your dishes the whole time?

LIZ

(SURPRISED)

No! Why, what did you do, try out for the Olympics? With your heart, you could make the French team.

JACK

Very funny, Lemon. No, actually the Wall Street Journal’s new owner took a bunch of us to lunch at his country club. We all had a rather pleasant afternoon! For his age, the guy is into some pretty extreme sports. Croquet, archery, polo, clay pigeon shooting, and competitive cash burning.

QUICK CUT SCENE OF JACK, STANDING OUTSIDE IN A CIRCLE WITH OTHER EXECUTIVES, SMOKING CIGARS AND CHORTLING AROUND A CONFLAGRATION OF DOLLAR BILLS.

JACK (chuckles).

All in all, it was a satisfying weekend.

LIZ

I’ll have to take your word for it. What did you mean when you said “big week?”

JACK

The network just decided to make some of our shows available on the Web.

LIZ

Excellent!

JACK

We were hoping you and your team could get together, read through the scripts for some of the old shows, and write some synopses for them.

LIZ

I don’t know. We’ve already got –

JACK

Fantastic! Thanks Lemon. I knew I could count on you.

JACK

(OVER HIS SHOULDER)

Just bring it to her office, guys!

KENNETH AND SOME OTHER PAGES WALK BY WITH HUGE CARDBOARD BOXES FILLED WITH PAPERWORK.

JACK

Just have Kenneth bring it back to me when you’re all done.

CUT TO:

Cerie One

INT. DR. SPACEMAN’S OFFICE

(Cerie, Dr. Spaceman)

CERIE IS SITTING IN THE CHAIR OPPOSITE DR. SPACEMAN’S DESK, FLEXING HER ELBOW.

CERIE

I’m not quite sure exactly what caused it to hurt, but I’ve been picking up a lot of stuff lately. Paper, pens, clipboards. Lately Liz has been giving everyone a lot of stuff to do.

DR. SPACEMAN

So you have a heavy workload?

CERIE

You can say that again.

DR. SPACEMAN

Do you often have trouble focusing on getting through your workload?

CERIE

Yes. It’s a good thing the guys around the office are so helpful.

DR. SPACEMAN

Cerie, I think I’d like to have you try something to help you focus on your work.

HE PRODUCES A WHITE PLASTIC BOTTLE.

CERIE

What’s that?

DR. SPACEMAN

This is Adderall. Sweet, sweet Adderall. Taking this should really help your day go smoothly.

CERIE

Will this work better than my Prozac?

DR SPACEMAN

Satisfaction guaranteed.

CUT TO:

Toofer One

INT. ROUNDTABLE ROOM – MID DAY

(Pete, Frank, Toofer, Cerie, Liz)

THE WRITERS, MINUS LIZ, ARE SITTING AROUND THE TABLE BRAINSTORMING AND AD LIBBING CONVERSATION.

CERIE ENTERS, SHIFTS AROUND AN ARMLOAD OF PAPERS. PUTS HER BOTTLE OF ADDERALL ON THE TABLE.

PETE

Let me help you with that. Oh, whatcha got there?

CERIE

Oh, Dr. Spaceman gave me some Tylenol or something. I don’t need it any more.

PETE

My head hurts a little bit. Couldn’t get my caffeine fix this morning. Mind if I have one?

CERIE

Sure. Go ahead.

PETE TAKES A PILL.

TOOFER

Umm, that’s not Tylenol. Read the label: That’s Adderall. My classmates at Harvard, where I went to school, used to take that stuff in order to crank out, so to speak, term papers.

FRANK

No kidding. Did you ever try any?

TOOFER

Absolutely not! Winners don’t do drugs. Ha ha, just kidding. Cerie, may I have one?

CERIE

Sure. Knock yourselves out. I don’t really need it any more.

CUT TO:

THIRTY MINUTES LATER. LIZ ENTERS.

LIZ

Sorry guys. I had some stuff to finish up. How’s it going with the work I gave you guys earlier?

FRANK

We’re all over it. Want some uppers?

FRANK HANDS LIZ A CANDY BOWL OF ADDERALL.

CUT TO:

Tracy Two

INT. THE SET OF TGS.

(Liz, Tracy, Jonathan, Kenneth)

TRACY IS STANDING AROUND WAITING FOR THE NEXT TAKE. LIZ WALKS ONTO THE SET TO WATCH.

TRACY

How are you doing this afternoon?

LIZ

My staff is on drugs.

TRACY

Now you know I don’t have nothing to do with that. What other adults choose to do is up to them. I don’t create the demand. I respond to it. That’s the American way, Liz Lemon.

LIZ

Relax. I meant this.

PRODUCES BOTTLE OF ADDERALL FROM HER POCKET.

TRACY

Uppers? Has the culture of the workplace really arrived at the point where, instead of dealing with our problems through personal, human interaction we have to medicate our way into achieving productivity quotas? Ha, just kidding. But come to think of it, business has been a little slow lately. I wonder if this is the new thing.

JONATHAN WALKS BY, WITH TWO GIRLS FROM TRACY’S ENTOURAGE.

JONATHAN

So, I told Mr. Donaghee, ‘no, you put those cover sheets on the TPS reports yourself! Ha ha ha. [The girls giggle]

LIZ

How’d he get so popular?

THEY BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER

TRACY

Naaaahhhhh.

KENNETH WALKS BY WITH A GIRL ON EACH ARM.

TRACY

Oh no, Liz Lemon. You’ve got to put a stop to this.

LIZ

Oh really?

TRACY

Winners don’t do drugs, Liz Lemon!

CUT TO:

Liz One

INT. LIZ’S APARTMENT. EVENING.

(Liz)

THIS IS SHOT LIKE A MONTAGE, QUICKLY CUTTING BETWEEN EACH THING LIZ DOES.

SHE TAKES THE BOTTLE OF ADDERALL OUT OF HER POCKET AND SETS IT DOWN ON HER COFFEE TABLE. STARES AT IT. GOES TO THE KITCHEN AND COOKS DINNER. WHEN DONE, SHE BRINGS IT TO THE COUCH. EATS DINNER WITH TV ON; BOTTLE IS STILL ON TABLE. THROUGHOUT DINNER AND TV-WATCHING, SHE INTERMITTENTLY STARES AT THE BOTTLE. FINALY, SHE OPENS THE BOTTLE AND TAKES A PILL. SHE CONTINUES WATCHING TV.

THE REST OF THIS SCENE IS DISPLAYED AS THOUGH LIZ IS MOVING AT FASTER-THAN NORMAL SPEED.

AFTER A WHILE, SHE GETS UP AND STARTS CLEANING. THEN SHE WASHES DISHES. THEN SHE DOES LAUNDRY. THEN SHE RE-DECORATES THE ROOM. ON OCCASION, SEEMS TO USE “THE FORCE” TO MOVE FURNITURE AND OTHER ITEMS AROUND (POINTS TOWARD ITEMS AND MAKES THEM LEVITATE).

WHEN DONE, SHE SITS AT THE COUCH, ARMS FOLDED, TAPPING TOES. SHE BRINGS OUT A REMINGTON TYPEWRITER. SHE SITS AND BEGINS TO TYPE. TIME PROGRESSES; LIZ PUTS ON A VISOR AND STARTS CHAIN SMOKING AS SHE TYPES. THE COMPLETED SHEETS OF PAPER PILE UP. THE SUN COMES UP. SHE APPEARS SATISFIED.

CUT TO:

__________________________________________________________

Jack Two

INT, RIGHT OUTSIDE JACK’S OFFICE.

(Liz, Jack, Jonathan)

LIZ STORMS TO THE WAITING AREA RIGHT OUTSIDE JACK’S OFFICE. SHE FINDS IT STRANGE THAT JONATHAN IS NOT THERE, SO SHE TIMIDLY PUSHES JACK’S DOOR OPEN.

JACK

Is that you, Lemon? Come on in. Jonathan was just about to serve lunch. Have some bread.

HANDS HER A RESTAURANT-STYLE BREAD BASKET.

LIZ

Where’d the basket come from?

JACK

Jonathan made it as he was baking the bread. Which

reminds me.

[IN LOUD VOICE]

Garcon! More bread, please!

JONATHAN

Coming right up!

JACK

So Lemon, what can we do for you today?

LIZ

Well, it’s just that everyone has been acting pretty strangely around here.

JACK

How so?

JONATHAN COMES BY WITH A BASKET OF BREAD AND A SILVER PLATTER WITH LUNCH ON IT. AS HE PLACES THEM BOTH ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF JACK, HE IS TALKING INTO A WIRELESS HEADSET.

JONATHAN

Bon apetit!

JONATHAN

[INTO HEADSET] Sounds like a plan. I’ll have the boys in legal fax you the details.

LIZ

Sorry, is this a bad time?

JACK

No. This is perfect, actually. I’m having Jonathan negotiate for the next season of Friday Night Lights. So, you were saying everyone’s acting strange?

LIZ

[LOOKS FROM JONATHAN TO JACK]

Oh, yes. Remember that massive amount of work you gave me yesterday? Well, everyone’s finished it already.

JACK

What’d you do, put a gun to their heads? Congratulations on successful delegation. I knew you had it in you, Lemon!

JONATHAN

[OVERHEARD]

Can I put you on hold for a second? Thanks.

LIZ

No, you don’t understand. I think someone gave the entire staff —

JONATHAN APPEARS BEHIND JACK. GESTURES FOR HER NOT TO MENTION THE ADDERALL. PHONE RINGS.

JACK

Oh, that must be my one o’clock. Jonathan, can

you take that, too?

(ENTHUSED, TO LIZ)

I wonder what he’s on today, eh? He really is a dynamo today!

CUT: